Journey to the center of my ass
Posted by Neil Brimelow | Filed under Uncategorized
I just got back from seeing Journey to the Center of the Earth. I can sum it up in one easy word: BORING.
Pretty much let me sum it up for you slightly better:
Kid get’s dropped off at his uncle’s house to be baby sat while the mom goes to Canada to look for houses.
Uncle is a loony following his dead brother’s research regarding finding a porthole to the center of the earth.
Characters goto Iceland to find said porthole.
Fall through volcano vent to the center of the earth.
Fall a relatively short time with no real transition to indicated the passage of time.
BTW it would take around 20 min. of falling to reach the center according to these calculations here:
Saved from dying from the fall by water vapor?!
Find a cave with glowing TRON birds.
Find main character’s brother/father buried at a site on a beach. Did the guy bury himself?
Find large/giant mushrooms.
Fight large Venus Flytraps.
Cross an ocean and fight “flying piranhas” (actually they look more like hatchetfishes; super deep sea creatures.
Cross a chasm on floating magnetic rocks (one of the only really cool parts in the movie)
Escape from a T-Rex (singular) onto a:
raft made out of a T-Rex skull which gets blown up out of the center of the earth out of Mt. Vesuvius
in Italy. It’s another “Nuked the Fridge” scene where the characters get blown up out of the fucking volcano WAY up into the sky, but land safely in a vineyard.
At the end, the kid and the kid’s uncle DON’T EVEN FUCKING TELL their mother/sister in law that they:
A. JOURNEYED TO THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING EARTH
B. WERE STINKING FUCKING RICH from finding a boat-load of huge gems.
C. Found the kid’s dead father.
The 3-D effects were well done and not headache inducing, as it was the first film shot with new dual camera digital system. Cute film for kids, but for anyone older than 25, it was like watching a non-funny version of “Land of the Lost.”