Return of Curse of Creature’s Ghost
Posted by Neil Brimelow | Filed under Uncategorized
I just read another horror screenplay by a novice screenwriter and the flaws in the screenplay were much greater, even though the writing was o.k. and it was not boring. It got me thinking of the classic Mr. Show sketch.
The Return of the Curse of the Creature’s Ghost[Suspenseful music. David, Bob, Paul (in safari hat), Tom, John (as a middle aged woman), and a woman who I thought was, but isn’t, Heather Morgan are in a darkened house. There’s a storm raging outside, and there’s a dead man lying on the floor.]
David: He’s dead. This is it. My friends, I’m afraid this is the return of the curse of the creature’s ghost.
John: But how must we stop this creature?!
Bob: It’s not the creature we have to be afraid of ma’am, it’s the creature’s ghost.
David: I think we should be worried more about the return of the curse.
[Suspenseful music and thunderclap.]
Woman: Curse of the creature?
Paul: Curse of the ghost!
[Banging sound]
John: Oh! The ghost has returned with the creature’s curse!
Tom: So, the creature put a curse on the ghost!
[Banging sound]
Bob: Please everyone, we must know what it is we’re supposed to afraid of.
[Transition: Suspenseful music plays. All of them gather together, and freeze. Their frozen positions fade into Brian’s shirt and into the next scene.]
The writer also used WAY too many POV shots and WAY too many camera shots. Scripts at one time, were written this way, but not to extent this writer had laid out. “Reverse POV handheld crane shot on Alice then POV Alice using 2X4 techinque.” Leave that shit to the cinematographer, as all it does is complicate the read of the script and piss of the reader.
Then another faux pas was the writer’s inclusion of little one word “notes” in the script to let us know when to be shocked, or horrified, or creeped out
Alice opens the drawer to find a human head inside!
Shock!
Now, since the audience and the reader will decide if they are shocked or not, it’s inclusion is superfluous and quite annoying, especially when these “cues” are on every freakin’ page.
Lastly
Overbearing monologues. I remember in the second Matrix movie when the Architect spelled out how the Matrix was created and what Neo’s role was, it seemed to go on forever. At the end of the monologue, some hick behind me blurted out, “What the heck did he just say?” and I was amused. Even though I sort of understood the babble of the Architect, with his ergos and vis-a-vis(s), it simply was just too much information for most people to take in, even if it were laid out in plain english. For your enjoyment, here is the monolgue.
The Architect - Hello, Neo.
Neo - Who are you?
The Architect - I am the Architect. I created the matrix. I’ve been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also irrelevant.
Neo - Why am I here?
The Architect - Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden to sedulously avoid it, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.
Neo - You haven’t answered my question.
The Architect - Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.
*The responses of the other Ones appear on the monitors: “Others? What others? How many? Answer me!”*
The Architect - The matrix is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the sixth version.
*Again, the responses of the other Ones appear on the monitors: “Five versions? Three? I’ve been lied too. This is bullshit.”*
Neo: There are only two possible explanations: either no one told me, or no one knows.
The Architect - Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly’s systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations.
*Once again, the responses of the other Ones appear on the monitors: “You can’t control me! F*ck you! I’m going to kill you! You can’t make me do anything!*
Neo - Choice. The problem is choice.
*The scene cuts to Trinity fighting an agent, and then back to the Architect’s room*
The Architect - The first matrix I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every human being, thus I redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of the matrix, she would undoubtedly be its mother.
Neo - The Oracle.
The Architect - Please. As I was saying, she stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99.9% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster.
Neo - This is about Zion.
The Architect - You are here because Zion is about to be destroyed. Its every living inhabitant terminated, its entire existence eradicated.
Neo - Bullshit.
*The responses of the other Ones appear on the monitors: “Bullshit!”*
The Architect - Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it.
*Scene cuts to Trinity fighting an agent, and then back to the Architects room.*
The Architect - The function of the One is now to return to the source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the code you carry, reinserting the prime program. After which you will be required to select from the matrix 23 individuals, 16 female, 7 male, to rebuild Zion. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash killing everyone connected to the matrix, which coupled with the extermination of Zion will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire human race.
Neo - You won’t let it happen, you can’t. You need human beings to survive.
The Architect - There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility for the death of every human being in this world.
*The Architect presses a button on a pen that he is holding, and images of people from all over the matrix appear on the monitors*
The Architect - It is interesting reading your reactions. Your five predecessors were by design based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the one. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-a-vis, love.
*Images of Trinity fighting the agent from Neo’s dream appear on the monitors*
Neo - Trinity.
The Architect - Apropos, she entered the matrix to save your life at the cost of her own.
Neo - No!
The Architect - Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning, and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to the source, and the salvation of Zion. The door to the left leads back to the matrix, to her, and to the end of your species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you’re going to do, don’t we? Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic, and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from the simple, and obvious truth: she is going to die, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it.
*Neo walks to the door on his left*
The Architect - Humph. Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.
Neo - If I were you, I would hope that we don’t meet again.
The Architect - We won’t.
Yeah, and we won’t remember what the fuck you just said, Mr. Architect.
Here is the latest monologue from the script I just read (zombie movie)
FADE FROM BLACK
INT. METALLIC ROOM
HORATIO, tall man wearing a LARGE BLACK CLOAK, sits in LARGE CHAIR staring at camera
pause
NOTE: monologues spoken in Italian with English SUBTITLES
Horatio
Sciocchi… non potete muoversi. Benchè la carne e la putrefazione possano rimuovere la mia presenza la vostra liscivia dell’ombra e di anima sulle mie mani. Le mani dell’infestazione di Horatius dal soffietto del inferno, quale ora è il vostro padrone; perché avete entrato nella mia presenza ed avete defied il mio nome sarete maledetti come quelli prima di voi. Questi sono i racconti di questi quale lo hanno trovato poichè il vostro deve ancora dirsi a dai ancients e dai cries dei immortals nei laghi di fuoco. Dire dello sconosciuto della carne nè a questo regno, nè al vostro genere o corsa per hanno entrato nella mia presenza, dove-
Fools… you are unable to move. Though the flesh and rot may exit my presence your soul and shadow lye upon my hands. The hands of the infestation of Horatius from the bellows of Inferno, whom now is your master; because you have entered my presence and have defied my name you shall be damned as those before you. These are the tales of these whom have found me as yours is yet to be told by the Ancients and the cries of the immortals in the lakes of fire. The telling of flesh unknown neither to this realm, nor to your kind or race for they have entered my presence, where-
Here the writer actually quoted the Italian (at least he said it’s Italian) as well as the english. Once again, this is unnecessary, as it slows down the read and unless the author is a native speaking Italian, it’s most likely going to have to be corrected by someone who actually speaks the language. It’s also a double whammy as not only do we get a huge monologue, we get it in two languages! SIGH! 